I feel like lately I start every spoken deep thought with, "I don't know if I can articulate this properly, but..."
So. I don't know if I can articulate this properly, but...
I've been thinking about parents parenting differently. I suppose more basely, about being judgmental.
For the purposes of this post, please know that I am thinking only of the impact of parenting, and not at all of kids' personalities.
Brian and I want so badly to raise well behaved, godly children. I want my kids to be articulate, thoughtful, intentional in their relationships. But too often, I find myself parenting to avoid things. I don't want my kids to do that, behave like that.
And the thought keeps occurring to me are those kids any less likely to know Jesus because they are allowed to behave that way? Or, conversely, is the standard of behavior we expect going to impact whether or not our kids know Jesus?
Obviously, I don't know the answer.
We probably won't relax our standards. And really, that's not even what this is about; it's more the idea that every parent parents differently. Brian and I parent differently. My kids will turn out with a very distinct set of strengths and weaknesses, the particular combination of which will be different from any other parents' kids. And I only have it in me to cover the things I can cover. There are going to be things that I miss, or just do completely wrong. And there are things I will do really well; the things that I focus on because they're important to me.
So I guess I'm glad that we all do it differently, that we discipline, educate and relate differently.
I wouldn't want my kids to face a world full of people who share the same difficulties or talents. We are a community, and we need the differences to function, since none of us are, you know, God.
And my oft-uttered closing: Did that make any sense?
Or are there major flaws in my reasoning? (come on, let me hear it!)
It's true that no two parents can parent the same. It's hard for me to accept that sometimes.
ReplyDeleteI really like your point about the positive side of parenting diversity: as a result our children have different strengths (and weaknesses) to bring to the community. Now, if only we really lived in community. Do we?
I think you are right, the impact of our parenting choices won't be made visible for years, so I think we do the best we can at discerning how God might be leading us to raise our kids and trust that He will fill in where we leave off. And I think humility is important too, recognizing that other parents are doing the best they can and making the choices they believe are right for their family, and while those choices may be different from ours it doesn't make them all "wrong." And I don't even have kids so I'm not sure why the heck I'm even offering my two cents, mostly to say hi and I appreciate your thoughts! :)
ReplyDeleteI think the thoughts you've shared represent really well us parents and the challenges that come with the mission of raising our children for the best possible outcome. Meeting the challenge doesn't guarantee the outcome since our "wisdom" when an action or decision is made is limited to what's known to us when that decision is (or must be) made. Later new information may show up that, had we known of it earlier, might have led to a different decision. However, that will always be a limitation. Another is the right of our children to integrate their own perspective/talents/limitations/discoveries with their upbringing. It's that part that makes them unique. We've heard it said "our kids are influenced 1/3 by their unique traits, 1/3 by their environment, 1/3 from their parents". Seems reasonable to me. What's good is prayerful and thoughtful consideration of the things we do when raising our kids. Key among them is raising them to both love and fear God while at the same time growing them to be difference makers in the world, each based on their own unique makeup.
ReplyDelete2 cents worth,
mike